Sally Miller is a Chief Information Officer (CIO) for a five-hospital health system based in the Southeast. She is also a member of the CIO professional association board. Sally is professionally accomplished.
During a reception at recent professional meeting, Sally told me that fifteen years ago she was a student in a CIO Boot Camp class. I was one of her instructors. Sally was early in her career and had been sent to the class as part of her training to enter the ranks of management.
During the class, there was a group exercise and one person from the group had to present the group’s conclusions and the group selected Sally. As Sally recalled it, she was very nervous.
After the presentation, Sally and I were in an elevator and, according to Sally, I turned to her and said, “You did a very nice job presenting, young lady.” I don’t remember this, nor frankly did I remember that class.
Sally told me all of this – the nervousness, the presentation, the elevator ride – and said, “I can’t tell you how important your comment to me was. I felt proud and energized.”
Clearly that Boot Camp and my comment had a lasting impact on Sally. I was reminded that simple things such as telling someone that they did a good job may seem simple, but they can be very powerful. Especially when they come from a figure of authority – a teacher, coach, parent, industry bigshot. A figure whose judgement and approval are respected and whose judgement renders a verdict not only on the task (nice presentation) but also on the worth of a person.
I believe that Sally’s professional success is due to her hard work and talents. But I also would believe that comments by me (and I am sure others) that encouraged and validated her were also very important.
Self-esteem is formed at a very early age. By the time we are 3 to 5 years old, patterns of self-esteem have begun to emerge. If the infant/kid gets responses to their needs – feeding, rest, play, love – they begin to believe that they have “worth.”
I think that this pattern of taking in or looking for cues that indicate that we are valued and cared for is a life-long pattern. Everyone is insecure to a degree. We all doubt ourselves and our talents and actions from time to time. And everyone appreciates being appreciated and loved. Doesn’t matter if you are 3 years old or 70 years old.
BTW. March 1 is World Compliment Day. You don’t need to wait until the spring to compliment someone.