A couple of decades ago public health officials noted an increasing and alarming phenomenon – smart people, who spent a lot of time with stupid people, turned stupid. Permanently.
This was seen as a significant problem.
Investigation revealed that stupid people emit a small, lightweight particle that travels in irregular motions like a fly buzzing around a room. These particles were called Bozons (hence the origin of the word Bozo to describe stupid people). These particles penetrated the skulls of smart people, turning them stupid.
Bozons
Early Bozon detector
Early Bozon deflector
Sometimes a smart person knows that they are in the presence of a stupid person and hence they are at risk. Other times a smart person may not know that a person is stupid (e.g., standing next to a person on a subway) and that their IQ is plummeting with each second.
To protect intelligent people a Bozon detector was developed. This detector would indicate the density of the Bozons being emitted by a person. Early versions of the detector required the placement of the detector paddle on the forehead of the suspected stupid person (see photo in the middle). This led to an uncomfortable exchange when you applied the paddle. “What are you doing?” they ask. “Trying to determine if you are an idiot,” you respond.
More recent versions of detectors have been developed that can be installed as a software plug-in for cell phones. This enables one to discreetly sweep the room to detect Bozons. Currently, plug-ins can detect a Bozo at 100 feet.
There are situations in which a smart person has no choice but to spend hours in the presence of stupid people. This situation can regularly occur in management meetings.
To protect smart people, the Bozon deflector was developed. These deflectors shielded a smart person’s skull and absorbed Bozons. Early deflectors were not stylish (see photo on the right) and led to difficult conversations – “Why are you wearing that helmet?” “To ensure that you don’t make me as stupid as you are.”
More recent versions are less obtrusive, they look like phone earpieces and provide a protective electromagnetic shield around the head.
For many people, the damage has been done. I am one of them. Years of having been exposed to stupid people have left me with a diminished capacity to remember names, the location of car keys, how to play Spelling Bee and what I had for lunch yesterday.
But it may not too late to protect yourself. You owe it to your country, yourself, and your family.